Director: Emma Seligman
Writers: Emma Seligman and Rachel Sennott
Stars: Rachel Sennott, Ayo Edibiri, Ruby Cruz

Synopsis: Two unpopular queer high school students start a fight club to have sex before graduation.

Yes, Bottoms slaps, punches, claws, cuts, and maims in ways that will leave bite marks with sharp teeth. This Emma Seligman comedy refuses to place itself in a box, going beyond its standard satirical tropes within its premise. It’s a teen comedy that blends Horatian and Juvenalian satire, transforming into something unexpected and invigorating. Notably, it’s a wicked commentary on victimization and socialization.

The story follows two unpopular best friends, PJ (Rachell Sennott) and Josie (Ayo Edebiri), who have been cruelly shunned by their classmates, and even school officials, for not being as popular as other students. They have been best friends since their moms split the bill for babysitters, relying on each other through thick and thin.

Both PJ and Josie are gay, and their high school crushes, Isabel (Havana Rose Liu) and Brittany (Kaia Gerber), hardly interact with them, to the point where they might not even know they exist. That is until Isabel walks away from her star quarterback boyfriend, Jeff (Nicholas Galitzine), who constantly has a wandering eye and cheats on her with a refined group of older women.

Jeff becomes an obstacle when they give Isabel a ride, and the car barely grazes his knee, but he claims a serious physical injury just before the big rivalry game. Principal Meyers (Wayne Pere) is ready to expel them, conveniently ignoring that they were offering Isabel a safe ride. He claims they are starting a school club that teaches other teenage girls self-defense. Meyers tells them to “beat the shit out of each other while reading the Vagina Monologues” and sends them on their way.

Bottoms was written by Seligman and one of the film’s stars, Rachel Sennott, the director’s frequent writing partner, and all-around muse. The talented and versatile actress excels at embracing unlikable roles and winning over audiences with authentic portrayals of the exaggerated misbehaviors of teenage or young adult females. Sennott was born to play the star of an independent cringe-comedy.

From her portrayal of a young Jewish female caught between her sugar daddy and girlfriend at a funeral in Shiva Baby to her almost methodical techniques as the maddeningly annoying Gen-Z teenager in Bodies Bodies Bodies, Sennott embraces assertive behavioral imperfections. Her role in Bottoms brims with temerity, and her attitude is so full of piss and vinegar that you might fear she’d spin uncontrollably off her axis. Sennott has a mean streak in virtually all of her performances that is inherently magnetic.

The Bear’s Ayo Edebiri’s character serves as the film’s conscience, consistently thinking that starting a female fight club to meet girls is a wrong, if not hilarious, idea. Edebiri expertly delivers timeless deadpan deliveries, showcased in full display in Bottoms. She captures the sympathetic sweet spot for the gay, sexually oppressed female teenager who feels trapped as an outcast. If anything, Josie is the most submissive of the group.

Bottoms offers a fresh take on teen comedy, similar to how Assassination Nation shook up the teen horror genre. While some might playfully call it “Gay Fight Club” or “Not Another Gay Teen Movie,” Seligman and Sennett’s film both embraces and satirizes those film tropes, creating something wonderfully invigorating for a modern-day teen comedy, culminating in its shockingly brash and brutally dark comedic finale.

And this is what makes Bottoms such original comedic content. Furthermore, Marshawn Lynch’s classroom, where he credits feminism, was invented by a man, and his students stand in a cell tucked away in a corner. The way Nicholas Galitzine presents himself as a chaser of the Gen X tale or Miles Fowler’s Tim embodies the coming-of-age teen villain. They accept these women only after contributing to the overall toxicity problem that the film turns its critical eye toward.

Bottoms is perfectly encapsulated by a line near the film’s beginning in which the announcement over the loudspeaker states, “Could the ugly, untalented gays, please report to the principal’s office?” The line isn’t just a microcosm of the deliberately wild and zany takes on victimization; it also reflects how harshly judges often lack the maturity to be true to themselves. A case in point is that some choose labels, or in this case, uniforms, to fit the idea of what society wants them to be, which explains why the male villains never take off their high school football uniforms.

Bottoms embraces that awkward, authentic freakiness of high school self, venturing into the wild side even for the most fervently absurd—a hilarious and distinctive comedy with facetious humor for the modern, audacious teenage female.

No matter the orientation.

Grade: A-

Director: Guy Nattiv
Writer: Nicholas Martin
Stars: Helen Mirren, Zed Josef, Claudette Williams

Synopsis: Focuses on the intensely dramatic and high-stakes responsibilities and decisions that Golda Meir, also known as the ‘Iron Lady of Israel’ faced during the Yom Kippur War..

Golda is an exceptional historical drama that unfolds like a tightly wound political thriller and showcases a virtuoso performance by Helen Mirren in the titular role. Of course, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. However, the film leads to a stunning scene between Golda Meir and Henry Kissinger (the outstanding Liev Schreiber), which might be one of the year’s best.

Around the 72-minute mark, after ignoring the mighty United States’ pleas for a cease-fire, primarily related to oil price increases, Mirren unloads a demand on Schreiber’s Kissinger that sends shivers down the spine and raises the hairs on your arms. “You must decide, Henry, side with me, or I will create an army of orphans and widows, and I will slaughter them all. Whose side are you on? You must choose.”

For a fan of the genre or a historical junkie, it’s as riveting a scene as you may see all year. Never before has the red handset being slammed back into its base reverberated more with anticipation of dire consequences. Even for the Soviet Union and the United States, who were squeezing the first and only female Prime Minister of Israel into a ceasefire, these two superpowers were no match for a weathered and chain-smoking old Jewish bitty in sturdy orthopedic shoes.

Directed by Academy Award winner Guy Nattiv, Golda follows the controversial political figure over a 21-day period in 1973, which involved Meir’s Israel and the Arab states led by Egypt and Syria. (Yes, the war lasted 19 days, but the film covers a few days after the conflict “officially” ended.) Meir had the impossible task of preventing her country’s all but certain annihilation.

That’s because she and her citizens were stuck between several rocks and hard places from different angles. For one, Israel and Meir were just not fighting the war with the heavily armed Arab nations. For one, the threat of Soviet involvement was always lingering. In a political chess match, Meir continually attempts to involve the United States, despite Kissinger’s objections because the United States must remain neutral because of its dependence on foreign oil.

Golda was written by Florence Foster Jenkins’ scribe Nicholas Martin, and his script is brilliantly paced while juggling multiple storylines about how the war affects people abroad and at home. Most of the film is told on numerous fronts. For instance, when in Meir’s house, she shows a vulnerable side with her assistant as she suffers from chronic and debilitating physical ailments. Another,  which is the film’s central narrative, goes back and forth to her tribunal, deciding if her decisions were indeed lawful.

Another from the political offices and makeshift war room went over political strategies, displaying the strength and creativity most political figures could only dream of possessing. Finally, involving what is possibly the film’s most visually stunning scene, a military operation bunker, where Meir has to make choices that even Sophie would find herself running away from.

And this is where the marriage of page to screen between Nattiv, Martin, Mirren, and the director of photography Jasper Wolf’s gorgeously claustrophobic and intimate cinematography becomes harmonious cinema. You can practically feel the cloud of smoke Meir blows in the camera’s face as she listens in real-time to the demise of the Israeli soldiers she deploys into all but certain ominous outcomes.

The way Martin’s script layers themes of anxiety at home, where Meir is constantly aware from the stenographer’s mood as she has a loved one involved in the fight, circles back to a devastatingly effective scene—Mirren’s delivery of astute and enlightening political observations like “Knowing when you lost is easy; knowing when you won is hard,” and “Just remember all political careers end in failure.”

Many claim that Golda can be putting it politely, dry, or even dull. While that’s understandable, this is a film with a limited budget. The team here squeezes every ounce they can with the funding and story available to them. And while the criticisms of casting Mirren as a Jewish hero and icon are legitimate, it’s hard to argue how Mirren inhabits the real-life figure’s weathered mind, body, and soul.

Grade: B+

Director: Marc Turtletaub
Writer: Gavin Steckler
Stars: Ben Kingsley, Harriet Sansom Harris, Jane Curtin

Synopsis: Milton lives a quiet life of routine in a small western Pennsylvania town, but finds his day upended when a UFO and its extra-terrestrial passenger crash land in his backyard.

The “Baby Boomers” are the most significant labor force cohort in the United States, so movies tailored for the age range of 57 to 75 will never go away any time soon. The AARP genre of films has become popular of late. From the Book Club franchise, Going in Style, and Poms, these movies are designed to take the family’s matriarch to a show on Mother’s Day Sunday matinee.

While most of these films offer a pleasant way to spend a lazy afternoon, if that’s your thing, the best ones have some underlying thematic value regarding a generation’s worth, not only appreciated but the need that our elders have to offer.

Unfortunately, Jules offers very little in that department, which is a shame considering the talent involved, including a legendary lead, two respected comedic character actors, and a director whose feature film debut, Puzzle, was an unexpected gem. Sadly, this science-fiction comedy lacks imagination beyond its one-note joke.

Directed by Marc Turtletaub, Jules tells the story of Milton (Ben Kingsley), an older adult, quietly living out his life watching endless episodes of CSI reruns on basic cable in a small Western Pennsylvania town. He’s estranged from his son, and his daughter is worried about him since he leaves newspapers in the freezer and a can of vegetables in the bathroom medicine cabinet. 

Milton’s significant daily activity is going down to the community center to propose changing the town’s slogan to the political leaders into something grammatically correct, and he’s not the only one. That includes Sandy (Harriet Harris), who wants to propose community outreach so she can connect with the younger generation. 

We also have the neighborhood busybody, Joyce (Jane Curtin), who’s worried about how her fellow older adults present themselves but fails to understand that her abrasiveness pushes people away. However, that is all about to change when an alien spaceship crashes into the back of Milton’s rural property, and they meet an extraterrestrial who goes by Jules.

Jules was written by Gavin Steckler, whose most significant contribution to film and television was the USA Network series Playing House. And that sums up my experience with the film—it feels like a pilot for the easy-going and breezy network that was never produced. Steckler’s script offers a buddy concept and some mildly odd escapism that’s light-hearted and approachable. Yet, while the script does generate some empathy and relatability, the interaction never reinforces the film’s themes to produce deeper, more profound outcomes and develop the characters in significant ways that are desperately needed.

Yes, Jules has some lovely moments, such as how Kingsley portrays Milton’s warm nature. I am also thrilled that Harris has a significant role here. The veteran character actress, best known for being the hilarious, no-morals agent Bebe Glazer on Frasier and the doomed wife of Sammy in Memento, is the film’s emotional center.

Harris is involved in the picture’s best scene. However, to justify my issue with the film’s uneven mix, it combines an odd, out-of-place solo rendition of “Free Bird” with Curtin’s Joyce. Finally, when the film builds to the script’s payoff, the finale must be more varied, and the final 15 minutes feel needlessly lengthy. Not only are the connections between the three main subjects never established, none are made outside their bubble. The emotional void between the trio is as vast as space itself.

Jules has its heart in the right place for all intents and purposes, but very little is accomplished with a film that is less than 90 minutes long. Along with the film’s lack of a complete third act, this comedy does little to no favors in terms of exploring what makes life worth living.

Grade: C-

Director: Angel Manuel Soto
Writer: Gareth Dunnet-Alcocer
Stars: Xolo Ramirez, Susan Sarandon, Adriana Barraza

Synopsis: An alien scarab chooses college graduate Jaime Reyes to be its symbiotic host, bestowing the teenager with a suit of armor that’s capable of extraordinary and unpredictable powers, forever changing his destiny as he becomes the superhero known as Blue Beetle.

Blue Beetle is another frustrating superhero outing for Detective Comics, which finds enough heart in the community of characters folding into a comic book movie that follows the genre playbook step by step. A one-note villain, check. A magnetic lead in love with a drop-dead gorgeous love interest caught up in a plot that has worldwide consequences, check. A few supporting characters who are as well-rounded and three-dimensional as a couple of Flatheads, check. But hell, at least they are a lot of fun. And that’s what makes the fresh premise of a Mexican-American superhero finally gracing the silver screen such a frustratingly mixed bag of potential and uninspired storytelling.

The story follows Jaime Reyes (Xolo Ramirez), a recent pre-law graduate who is the first in his family to earn a college degree. Returning home to a hero’s welcome, his family celebrates his return. That’s until his sister Milagro (Belissa Escobedo) breaks some bad news to him: They are losing the house, and the family business went bankrupt because his father, Alberto (Damián Alcázar), suffered a heart attack. Jaime’s mother, Rocio (Elpidia Carrillo), and his beloved Nana (Adriana Barraza) felt strongly that it would have been a distraction to his education if they broke the terrible news.

Jaime vows to lift his family out of this predicament. He lands an interview with Kord Industries, a multinational research and development corporation specializing in military defense, after a chivalrous happenstance with Jenny (Bruna Marquezine), a beautiful young twenty-something and Kord’s CEO. Jenny’s father left her the company and disappeared mysteriously, to the ire of her Aunt Victoria (Susan Sarandon), who saw Kord as her life’s work. That’s when Jenny discovers Victoria has begun redeveloping defense weapons again, something the principles of her father were dead set against.

While investigating, Jenny finds Victoria possessing the Scarab, an ancient relic of alien technology. While trying to escape with the artifact, she hands it off to Jaime, who is waiting for his interview. Jaime violates the one instruction she gave him by not opening the box. The Scarab doesn’t attack when he does but instead becomes a part of him. Jaime transforms into the Blue Beetle against his will. But, as we know, if you live by the code of Community’s Jeff Winger, you don’t choose to be a hero. It’s thrust upon you.

I was excited when I read Angel Manuel Soto would helm Blue Beetle. Indeed, the director of the hidden gem Charm City Kings would find the subculture and that particular “thing” that makes this comic book hero ring true. And for the most part, he does this by offering a warm, big-hearted, Latinx “familismo” lens to view the iconic DC hero. This is portrayed with love and affection between the characters, particularly the father-son relationship that gives the dynamic its heart. Mirroring that sentiment is Marquezine’s Jenny, who never had a warm embrace growing up. Jaime also proposes using his superpowers to protect his family, but never by lethal force, freeing the film from stereotypes.

Written by Gareth Dunnet-Alcocer, Blue Beetle, at times, has horror film elements that are reminiscent of Venom. For instance, when the Scarab takes over Ramirez’s Jaime, this can be viewed as a form of reincarnation. The scene is graphic (and the reactions of the family members vary to the point where they seem out of place) and even terrifying. This mix, particularly at the film’s end, gives the Blue Beetle an uneven experience. Even if these scenes have an infusion of retro 80s movie-era homage, that works. 

The script also has thinly veiled characters, particularly the villains, with Sarandon being a one-note cliché. While the villainous muscle, Carapax (Raoul Max Trujillo), earns a backstory, the payoff is rushed and more than predictable. Also, the script never delves deep enough into the backstories of Jaime’s family. For instance, George Lopez serves as the film’s comic relief; he’s hilarious here, but we never learn enough about why and how he’s such an IT expert and the Lucius Fox of the film. The same goes for Academy Award nominee Adriana Barraza. Her character is a kick-ass grandma fighting Victoria’s super soldiers alongside Jaime, indicating her former participation as a revolutionary out of nowhere. Too many characters feel incomplete for over a two-hour movie, and the story would have benefited dramatically from greater care and context.

And those aren’t strikes against the film’s narrative of a hero born of love instead of overwhelming trauma, but against a standard comic book formula that doesn’t take enough chances. This is strange, with this being James Gunn’s first significant decision in his new role as the DCEU’s managing puppet master. Why would a man who took enormous risks that revitalized Marvel with the Guardians franchise double down on formulaic superhero cliches? While the Blue Beetle has plenty of heart and a fresh perspective, the villains and the heroes are a forgettable blend of standard comic book fare that’s never as interesting as the movie’s relaxed, warm, and loving scenes where this DC film lives.

Grade: C

Director: Josh Greenbaum
Writer: Don Perrault
Stars: Will Ferrell, Jamie Foxx, Isla Fisher

Synopsis: An abandoned dog teams up with other strays to get revenge on his former owner.

Are we in the new golden age of the hard-R-rated summer comedy? From Jennifer Lawrence’s uproarious and raunchy No Hard Feelings to Adele Lim’s racy and hilarious Joy Ride, there has been a newfound wave of foul-mouthed comedies to enjoy. Some of these films’ best scenes would make Porky’s Bob Clark blush. This August, we have Strays, a hilarious comedy featuring some of the most adorable little dogs you’ll ever see and showcasing some of the dirtiest deeds in cinema history—all with an underlying theme that surprisingly hits home with that old cliché of a lot of heart. These super sweet yet seriously sour antics of these Strays are filled with filthy, gut-busting, leg-humping hilarity.

The story follows Reggie (Will Ferrell), a “woof”-fully optimistic mixed breed unaware of his toxic pet-owner relationship with Doug (Will Forte). Doug is the kind of lowlife who blames his substance abuse, laziness, and lousy situation on his dog. He repeatedly attempts to abandon Reggie in the middle of nowhere by throwing his tennis ball out of the truck and driving off while Reggie gives chase. However, Reggie interprets it as a game of “Fetch & F*ck” and always manages to bring the toy back to Doug’s feet, where he says the titular latter word.

Finally, Doug has had enough and takes Reggie into the ominous city, where he becomes acquainted with the freaks and geeks of the bustling city streets. Among them is a Boston Terrier with a gift of the gab named Bug (Jamie Foxx), who teaches Reggie how to survive on his own. Bug introduces Reggie to more stray dogs like Maggie (Isla Fisher), an Australian Shepherd, and Hunter (Randall Park), an enormous Great Dane with a small dick energy despite the obvious heat he’s packing. The sexual tension between Maggie and Hunter is undeniable. Finally realizing Doug doesn’t care about him, the group embarks on a road trip to visit Doug so Reggie can, in his own words, “Bite his dick off.” Yes, like I said, a foul-mouthed comedy.

Written by Dan Perrault and directed by Josh Greenbaum, Strays has a big, ferocious bite that most comedies can only dream of. The film features dirty yet heartfelt and outrageously funny debauchery from some of the most adorable pooches you will ever see. Strays can be seen as a loquacious take on Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey, but with abundant sex, copious amounts of drugs, and free-flowing alcohol. Given Hollywood’s penchant for transforming simple stories into unnecessarily sentimental narratives — a phenomenon that might soon be dubbed “The Tuohy Effect” — it’s almost as if Strays presents what the 1993 family film was truly like before the greedy little money-grubbing mouse got his hands on the script.

Part of the fun of what makes Strays so funny is watching the juxtaposition of these hellhounds, equipped with heart-swelling puppy love expressions, doing bad things—very bad things. Almost every joke works famously, from a jaw-dropping camp-side “pillow” fight to a priceless and well-timed Miley Cyrus needle drop and a wicked take on Marley & Me. And the ones that don’t land are so audacious and bold that you forgive Greenbaum and Perrault solely because of their effort.

Much of the credit should go to Ferrell and Fox, whose styles seemingly shouldn’t blend but create a joyous combination of sweet and sour. Ferrell dives back into that Elf persona with a humorous, deadpan, and naïve delivery. This allows Fox’s garrulous and spunky Boston Terrier to steal nearly every scene he’s in. Delivering humor while also conveying the film’s sharp wit and an insightful take on male toxicity, Bug’s spin-off isn’t just a request but a matter of time. You’ll also appreciate the humor generated from Park’s Hunter and Fisher’s Maggie for their numerous risqué and suggestive double entendres.

Frankly, Strays reminds me of the type of comedy The Farrelly Brothers used to make in the 90s. Similar to those movies, they had an underlying human (work with me here) element. Here, Perrault finds something sobering regarding victimization in a surprisingly profound scene when Reggie convinces himself that Doug loves him. Yes, it involves a mutt with a tennis ball, but that moment reveals more about the catch-22 in domestic violence, and is more insightful than most films.

Ultimately, Reggie carrying Doug’s blame-shifting leads to Greenbaum’s canine opus—a relatable sense of community, family, and finding your place in life—which still supports the film’s hard comedic edge. Sure, it may not make sense why Hunter has a medical cone if he’s a stray or that Doug is such an over-the-top deadbeat that no woman in her right mind would have him, let alone for one night. However, Strays is damn funny and pushes the envelope farther than I thought possible.

Strays is a loquacious Homeward Bound and the super sweet yet seriously sour antics of these pooches are filled with filthy, gut-busting, leg-humping hilarity.

Grade: A-

Director: Anthony Stacchi
Writers: Steve Bencich, Ron J. Friedman, and Rita Hsiao
Stars: Jimmy O. Yang, Bowen Yang, BD Wong

Synopsis: Inspired by an epic Chinese tale, translated into an action-packed comedy, a Monkey and his magical fighting Stick battle demons, dragons, gods and the greatest adversary of all – Monkey’s ego.

*This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movie being covered here wouldn’t exist.*

Though quite unsuccessfully, Netflix has been trying to get into the animation game for a long time. It’s only when they’ve plucked films from other studios (The Mitchells vs. The Machines & Nimona) or when they team up with an actual auteur behind the camera (Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio) that they can succeed in the game. But they’ve never delivered something tangible when delving into studio-driven animated offerings. However, since they wanted to dominate all spheres of filmmaking, it was only a matter of time before they would take a crack at making another mainstream animated film in The Monkey King. 

Based on “Journey to the West,” the movie will hit the streaming service on August 18th. I had a chance to check out The Monkey King in theaters, and this is where it deserves to be experienced. Rarely have I seen such mastery in its visual form, it would feel shameful not to bask in its vivid kineticism on the largest screen possible. The animation style is consistently malleable, going from bright, colorful 3D worlds, morphing into hand-drawn animation as the titular Monkey King (Jimmy O. Yang) defeats 99 demons in a terrific montage, and goes back to 3D with notable changes in its form as it transports audiences from one world to the next. 

There’s even a setpiece that feels directly plucked out of CAPCOM’s Ōkami, set in Hell, where different brush techniques are used to unleash a superpower to subdue The Monkey King. It’s one of the most inspired action scenes I’ve seen in an animated film all year and consistently moves in exciting and fresh ways. The final fight between The Monkey King and The Dragon King (Bowen Yang) is incredible. Director Anthony Stacchi continuously finds new ways to enthrall viewers, especially children who will lose their minds when they witness what this film has in store for them. The children at my screening were entertained, and one of them even got up from their seat when The Monkey King got some of his powers. 

But the story raises more questions than answers and hampers the film. The Monkey King has never taken no for an answer and is now on a quest to become immortal. He starts this by killing over 100 demons, crossing his name off a scroll in Hell, which only makes him half-immortal. However, becoming fully immortal proves difficult for the King, as he teams up with Lin (Jolie Haong-Rapaport) to attain immortality by traveling to Heaven and defeating the immortals who control it. However, Lin has been working for The Dragon King, who promised her rainfall in her village, whose crops have been devastated by the scorching heat. But The Monkey King is a total jerk – he only does a quest that benefits his personal gain, and not anyone’s. He even tries to outsmart Buddha (BD Wong)…and it doesn’t work. 

As a movie destined for families, The Monkey King challenges younger viewers in asking to sympathize with a protagonist who is completely unlikeable in every sense of the word. Yes, the film is based on several texts (Cheang Pou-soi’s The Monkey King painted the titular character in a more thoughtful and vibrant light than this film), but does he have to be this unlikeable? As good as O. Yang is, the character is unfortunately written in a way that feels irritating instead of making audiences understand exactly why he wants to attain immortality and defeat the Gods on top of the hierarchy. It’s all egotistical, and it, unfortunately, doesn’t imbue any positive values on children, who usually are taken to animated films by their parents to make them learn about something. 

The Monkey King doesn’t have any positive message to pass on or even a lesson to come out of this ordeal. Instead, we get to observe The Monkey King irritating every other character and only thinking about himself for 92 minutes. How fun. No, really, that’s it. And the villain is also egotistical — he wants to steal The Monkey King’s stick to submerge the planet in water and take over Earth. So we have a self-centered monkey fighting a self-centered dragon for their nefarious gains. And no one, not even Lin, learns anything meaningful in the process. I might’ve excused its mostly annoying characters were it not for a core message, but none of that is found here. 

Thankfully, the visuals and action sequences are all terrific, and the main reason why the movie is, against all odds, watchable. The voice cast is also quite good, with Bowen Yang being the biggest highlight as The Dragon King and Wong impressing in a minor role as Buddha. But it’s not enough to save The Monkey King with a haphazard story and problematic character arcs. Kids will certainly enjoy its breakneck pace and staggering action sequences, but will they learn anything meaningful beyond the pretty visuals? I highly doubt it…

Grade: C+

Director: André Øvredal
Writers: Bragi Schut Jr & Zak Olkewicz
Stars: Corey Hawkins, Liam Cunningham, Javier Botet

Synopsis: A crew sailing from Carpathia to England find that they are carrying very dangerous cargo.

*This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movie being covered here wouldn’t exist.*

“It’s Dracula on a boat.” “It’s like Alien, but with Dracula.” You don’t need to say anything else. I’m here. No matter how terrible the title is. I will see that in a heartbeat. What an incredible concept based on The Ship’s Log from Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Why didn’t anyone think of this before? Especially after the maligned Renfield, it certainly sounds like it could reignite interest in Dracula after Universal failed to readapt the tale in 2014 with Dracula Untold. Not only that, but it stars Corey Hawkins as the lead, one of the best up-and-coming actors working today, and the music is composed by Bear McCreary, fresh from his incredible work in The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power? Shut up and take my money!

I was ready to watch The Last Voyage of the Demeter. Yes, it’s a bad title. Possibly the worst of the year. But if the film is good, I can easily forgive a flimsy title. And while it’s welcomed in the realm of horror to have a lean and mean premise and a good lead performance from Corey Hawkins, the film itself is one of the dullest horror movies I’ve seen in a very long time and one of the most disappointing outings from a studio I’ve seen all year. It’s even worse when the film starts quite decent, beautifully shot, and immediately hits the audience with the eeriest possible atmosphere as we see the remains of the Demeter before it flashes back to four weeks before this scene. Then it grinds to a halt and never picks up. 

The movie follows the Demeter’s titular last voyage, as the shipmates discover that a cargo they’ve been carrying has been killing off crew members one by one. First, it killed all of the animals on board. Then it starts picking up some of the B-crew members until the middle section arrives, and one major character has to die for the stakes to be elevated before its climax. All of this has been hampered to death in so many horror movies time and again. Still, I will applaud director André Øvredal for doing something that no one else would’ve ever done with one of the most shocking midpoint swings I’ve seen since the death of Maria Hill in Secret Invasion. Of course, that’s apples and oranges, but it did catch me off guard and, quite frankly, shocked the living hell out of me. 

But that’s the only exciting scene The Last Voyage of the Demeter offers. Instead of creating an atmosphere of pure dread as they progressively discover that this boat is harboring the blood-sucking Dracula (Javier Botet), the movie would rather craft endless murky sequences filled with jumpscares and gotcha! moments. One character looks at the sea with his monocular, panning slowly until BOO! Dracula appears before him and…disappears as he takes his eye off. Next, he talks to Clemens (Hawkins), lightning strikes, and, of course, Dracula is right behind him. All of it, from how Øvredal frames these sequences, have been plucked straight out of other horror films, and there’s no eye for the original or the exciting here. 

It would rather play it safe with the “Dracula on a boat” concept than elevate it and produce the next horror cult classic. And even the scenes where Dracula kills people are poorly constructed. It doesn’t help that none of the night sequences (where most of the movie takes place) are poorly lit and have barely any energy to sustain most of the runtime. It’s either poorly lit and haphazardly shot, or with lighting hitting the frames in a strobe-light effect, audiences become overwhelmed by its power. Botet’s practical performance of Dracula, which is genuinely terrifying, gets hampered by what looks like unfinished CGI. 

It doesn’t look scary or finished when Dracula flies for the first time. The CGI completely bogs down Botet’s portrayal of the character. It must have been fun playing an on-screen iteration of the character we hadn’t seen since F.W. Murnau’s Nosferatu (until Robert Eggers releases his version of Murnau’s film next year). Yet, his performance can’t be seen amidst the sea of computer-generated effects he is masked with. Botet has brought to life some of the scariest creatures in modern-day horror cinema. Yet, his talents are completely wasted here, especially in its final act, in which Dracula arrives at the full extent of his on-screen powers without much excitement generated from its aesthetics and acting. We can always count on Bear McCreary to accompany the film with a wonderful score, but most of the acting here is surprisingly forgettable. 

Hawkins is the best part of the movie as its moral center, always trying to justify what’s going on with reason and scientific rigor. Still, everyone else is a distinct cliché: Liam Cunningham as the washed-up captain who refuses to believe a supernatural entity is here, Aisling Franciosi has a personal vendetta against Dracula and is the only one who knows how to defeat it, and David Dastmalchian teeters the line between rationality and irrationality. And then you’ve got the kid, played here by Cobweb’s Woody Norman (his horror streak is not very good!). Of course, the kid will get into serious trouble, and Hawkins’ character will act as its father figure, protecting him at all costs when his grandfather (the captain) can’t. All of these character arcs, even Hawkins, don’t add anything new to the table and bloat what could’ve otherwise been a lean 85-90-minute affair to two hours, spending way too much time building storylines with very little payoff near the end, instead of hammering its gothic aesthetic with modern-day gore sensibilities, which is what an “Alien but Dracula” movie should’ve been in the first place. 

As a result, The Last Voyage of the Demeter fails to deliver on its core premise. Yes, Dracula is on a boat…but did it have to be this boring? After the incredible success of RackaRacka’s Talk To Me, Hollywood studios need to realize that most moviegoers are turning down mainstream horror and are instead supporting auteur-driven (and independent) horror films that will not only scare the living hell out of you but consistently take risks in its plot structure and aesthetics. The Last Voyage of the Demeter is not only extremely dull to look at, but its story re-treads so many beats that have already been done far too many times in studio-driven horror. It’s time for the genre to reinvent itself before it grows even more stale than current studio offerings. 

Grade: D