Director: Ann Marie Allison
Writers: Ann Marie Allison, Jenna Milly
Stars: Marisa Tomei, Sherry Cola, Ciara Bravo
Synopsis: An outspoken psychologist rushes to Los Angeles with her best friend to stop her lovesick daughter’s wedding, fearing the groom is a narcissist.
Dating is very tough. Anyone who doesn’t think so is fooling or lying to themselves. Yet, we do it anyway for many reasons, the top two being that society tells us we have to and the other that we are looking for the one person we think can complete us. Even finding a person who you assume is the only person you ever want to be intimate and exclusive with is not without pitfalls because people lie, cheat, and steal. This is the more gentle way to express the themes of You’re Dating a Narcissist!.
The film feels like a self-help guide masquerading as a fiction. These ideas and archetypes feel like someone has gotten hurt by someone like this in the past. The self-help angle even hits much too hard and repeats over again when a new situation arises. The film takes on the verb that the characters use to describe when Judy (Marisa Tomei) gets herself worked up. The film often goes “All Judy” and not always in a good way. Especially the video Judy is drunkenly making for her daughter, Eva (Ciara Bravo), that is intercut with the action of the film. It’s a poor device that takes away from the story.
The film’s script isn’t completely a textbook, though. Writers Ann Marie Allison and Jenna Milly have good comedic chops and a dry sense of humor that shines in many characters. The story itself is not new, but is a good take on the single mother trying to keep her child safe in the face of all that the world could throw at her. Having Judy be the focal character also lends itself to the mystery of if her instincts are right. We see a few intimate scenes with Eva and Theo (Marco Pigossi), but sticking with Judy we think we have everything figured out when it’s much more complicated than that.
One of the best subplots of the film is the presence of Judy’s best friend and colleague Diane, played by one of the best supporting comedic actresses in the business, Sherry Cola. Diane is going through her own crisis with a woman she’s been dating who she finds out is married. Through trying to deal with her own relationship issues, we get to see that Diane realizes that Judy’s not a completely rabid academic about this issue. Diane’s story is an objective point of view that grounds some of the madness.
It also helps that Sherry Cola is very funny. There’s something about her smoky voice and the way she can side eye like an absolute professional that makes Cola so fun to watch. Her one liners are simply perfect and her asides in group scenes are laugh out loud funny. Yet, she can also do vulnerability well. She’s able to find the deep sadness within Diane about having been the other woman for her girlfriend’s relationship. It makes her a perfect foil for Marisa Tomei’s manic and affecting performance.
You’re Dating a Narcissist! is the kind of film that hits you when you don’t realize it. In the midst of the madcap escapades of Judy trying to expose Theo’s behavior to Eva, there is a contemplation about who Judy is as a person in the world. This point in the film when Judy is hit with a staggering truth bomb shifts the scene without words. Director Ann Marie Allison and cinematographer Martim Vian frame Judy in the middle of the screen as she looks at us and all around her the people are speeding up to a blur. It’s as if in this moment of revelation, Judy has finally slowed down to see how she’s been acting about this whole situation. It’s a good and unexpected effect.
The film is a bit of a self-help exercise at times, which can be trying on our patience. Overall, though, it’s a funny and thoughtful film. You’re Dating a Narcissist! finds an overused label and gives real, concrete advice about how to avoid people who fit that mold. It has a great cast and good performances. It’s a film that you can watch and then call your best friend to tell them you finally understand why that previous relationship was so awful.
