Director: Marc Webb
Writer: Erin Cressida Wilson
Stars: Rachel Zegler, Gal Gadot, Andrew Burnap
Synopsis: A princess joins forces with seven dwarfs to liberate her kingdom from her cruel stepmother the Evil Queen.
As easy as it is to attack the Disney live-action remake machine, there is certainly a variety when it comes to quality. Cinderella (2015) is the gold standard, taking advantage of visual flourishes and an astounding villain performance. On the other side of the spectrum lies The Jungle Book (2016), a film so tedious that one struggles to remember anything about it besides Bill Murray half-heartedly voicing Baloo the Bear. As adults, it is important for us to remember two things. First, these movies are not primarily for us as an audience. They exist to pass the torch from father and mother to son and daughter. These stories, for better or worse, are the closest that we have to an oral tradition. Secondly, despite the perceived lack of originality, these movies can be done well.
Snow White does not manage this in nearly any way. This is the story you know, mostly only in name, and that is not inherently a problem. This version of Snow White (Rachel Zegler) is much more active, as opposed to her namesake who essentially had a snack and a nap. This Snow was raised by a King and Queen and taught that the right way to live was through sharing resources among all of the subjects. Of course, very quickly, Snow White’s mother takes ill and dies. After, the woman who would become The Evil Queen (Gal Gadot) enters, marries Snow White’s father, and eventually sends him off to war, never to be seen again. Snow White essentially becomes a servant to the Queen and is struggling to find a way to help her people. After helping a dashing thief, Jonathan (Andrew Burnap), escape she eventually meets the dwarves and a group of bandits pushing Snow along her journey. The film, oddly, is a bit of a greatest hits of Disney, featuring introductory art that looks like Sleeping Beauty, a servant subplot that feels like Cinderella, and the costume of the original Snow White.
Rachel Zegler is the only person who manages to come out of this troubled film unscathed (the internet’s monsters, notwithstanding). That poor woman’s arms must be exhausted from carrying this movie toward being almost watchable. It is no secret that she is a talented singer (watch West Side Story (2021) for proof). Here, she manages to make the uninspired new songs from Pasek and Paul worth listening to for her tremendous performance, and is able to breathe new life into the classic songs from the original Disney version. She even managed to uplift most of her scene partners, both human and hideous CGI creations. Most, but not all.
Much has been said about Gal Gadot’s poor performance as the Queen and, somehow, the negativity goes nowhere to describing the pain she puts the audience through. Her line readings are terrible, as expected, but sadly, it does not stop there. Director Marc Webb, along with screenwriter Erin Cressida Wilson, decide to give her a musical number explaining that she is essentially a mean girl and there are almost no words to describe the experience. This extremely extended sequence, choreographed by Mandy Moore (La La Land), is full of exaggerated hand motions, missed notes, and leaves you begging for the end. It seems almost like a Mel Brooks musical moment, but played painfully straight. We talk (too much) about nepotism and its effect on the film industry, but here we have pretty privilege running amok. There is no possible way that she was the best person they could find for this role and every time she is on screen, fashion moments aside, Snow White comes to a screeching halt. Her acting makes us pine for the days of Angelina Jolie as Maleficent, an actual performer who owned the screen instead of making us turn away from it. When she becomes a hag, the continued poor effects work matches her acting prowess.
One of the biggest problems that this film has is the lack of true laughs or enjoyment. Is this because the dwarves all look horrifying? Only partially. The “jokes” aren’t funny, unless you consider the fact that a possible regent is supporting a share and share alike political system. Of course, with a large corporate identity like Disney, one cannot expect anything truly radical. This is the best we can hope for and a good message for children. It is just a shame that the movie surrounding it, both visually and narratively, is so excessively sloppy.
As much as we hope for a remake that takes chances and shows us something we could not see in our old clamshell VHS days, it still has to be done well! Once your eyes adjust to the uncanny valley of dwarves that are supposed to be both comic relief and have character journeys, it becomes ultimately clear that Snow White had nothing but a few good ideas, along with a perfect lead. Sadly, this, and all movies have so many moving parts, so many variables that can affect the end output. This simply has too much working against it. Middling direction, poor writing, horrifying animated characters, and the blackest hole one can imagine in its antagonist. Snow White might keep children mildly entertained for its runtime, but it will not be destined for repeat watches, even in the most pro-Disney home.
