Directors: Guy Maddin, Galen Johnson, Evan Johnson
Writers Evan Johnson
Stars: Cate Blanchett, Charles Dance, Rolando Ravello
Synopsis: The leaders of seven wealthy democracies get lost in the woods while drafting a statement on a global crisis, facing danger as they attempt to find their way out.
Guy Maddin, the Manitoban maestro of things strange, psychosexual, and dreamlike might not be the first director one would consider directing a satire about a G7 Summit gone wrong in Germany; but after experiencing Rumours it is hard to imagine anyone else could have made it. Maddin teams up with brothers Evan and Galen Johnson (who he worked with on the astonishing homage to genre cinema The Forbidden Room) to make a satirical comedy of manners reminiscent of The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie doing for global politics what Buñuel did for group dining.
In a glorious Saxony forest retreat, representatives of the seven most prosperous democratic countries on the planet get together to draft preparatory points for a joint statement about the current ‘Global crisis.’ Cate Blanchett plays German Chancellor Hilda Ortmann dressed in a less severe Angela Merkel power suit. Charles Dance is U.S. President Edison Walcott – a man who is clearly past his prime but unwilling to let go of power. Denis Ménochet is French president Sylvain Broulez, who is the epitome of post-structural Gallic pretension and anxiety. Nikki Amuka-Bird is Cardosa Dewindt, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom who is surely as fantastical a creation as the giant brain later found in the forest as one cannot imagine the people of Britain voting for someone half as competent as Ms Dewindt. The Italian Prime Minister Antonio Lamorle (Rolando Ravello) an unassuming good-natured fellow. The Japanese Prime Minister Tatsuro Iwasaki (Takehiro Hira) even more unassuming. And rounding out the quotient, as the film points out, is the Canadian Prime Minister Maxime Laplace (Roy Dupuis) a man-bun sporting, sexy silver fox, tragi-romantic drama king – irresistibly attracted to strong women (most of whom hold high political positions).
Before they reach their well-catered, built for purpose gazebo, the politicians stop at the archaeological excavation site for a bog man whose severed penis is wrapped around his neck. A punishment from the tribe for failure of leadership is posited. A quick photo op with Mr. Iron Age and it’s off to work, which mostly consists of them gossiping, throwing barbs at each other, and congratulating themselves for being generally civil. The United States enjoys telling France no one is going to read another one of his tiresome monographs on psychogeography. Italy admits that his greatest regret was wearing a Mussolini costume to a party for which France forgives him. Japan talks of how he wishes he’d learned to ride a horse. France mocks Canada for being insufferable, but Germany explains how Canada is about to lose his position for the dreariest scandal regarding something to do with carried interest and property holdings. Canada is getting increasingly drunk and not adding much to the preparatory notes but adding a lot to the drama and getting Germany a flushed and horny.
They’re all so involved in their useless note making, arguments, or insular obsessions that they fail to notice no one has come to top up their wine when the bottle empties – in fact no one is around at all. They’ve been abandoned, which baffles them. More baffling are encroaching zombie bog people (thankfully not protestors) hanging from trees or masturbating in a full circle jerk around fires. They can’t reach anyone via their phones (Italy forgot to bring his) and France ventures back to the villa to find the unthinkable – they’ve been locked out. An apocalyptic event has occurred the audience infers, and the sheltered nitwits might be all that is left of humanity.
France tries to put it into some kind of semiotic order and develops a sudden injury, meaning he has to be carried by manly Canada. Italy keeps offering pocketed cold cuts from the table. England is still trying to focus on getting the notes for the statement prepared. America would like to continue his nap if possible. No one can work out why America has a silver spoon British accent. Japan drifts along. Germany feels responsible.
A brain the size of a hatchback appears in the forest (definitely a male brain France proclaims because no female brain could reach that size) and Alicia Vikander’s President of the European Commission, Celestine Sproul, sits atop it speaking what seems to be gibberish but is Swedish (and prophetic gibberish). Her presence sends Canada into a tailspin as they were once lovers and he’s having trouble getting over her, although not so much trouble that he couldn’t engage in a quickie with Germany in the woods earlier.
Guy Maddin is swinging at low hanging fruit as the ineffectual leaders undertake a long and, in their minds at least, treacherous journey back to civilization. The only guide is a now sentient AI chatbot designed to catfish pedophiles, disproportionately represented among the political class. To get directions they need to type suggestive codewords so it will respond.
Swirls of Enya’s “Exile” drift on the soundtrack as Canada and Japan undertake a distinctly anti-climactic heroic act, getting a small barge from one bank of a shallow river to the other. The otherworldly colors beloved by Maddin and the Johnsons (pinks, purples, neon greens) light up the tortuous path where the economic leaders of the free world alternate between histrionics and history lessons about previous world economic summits. It’s all deliciously berserk, ludicrous, but in some regards possibly the most co-operative and unified any G7 summit has been in our reality.
Rumours brings it all home with an excellent and caustically pompous finale. All the madness had meticulous method. Other than The Saddest Music in the World (2003), Rumours is Guy Maddin’s most accessible film in terms of having a standard narrative structure. It also features big name stars like Cate Blanchett, Charles Dance, and Alicia Vikander along with well regarded international character actors (including a late appearance by Zlatko Buric). The jokes can get stretched thin in places, but they come back with a round punch especially when delivered by Blanchett or Dance.
Rumours is black comedy cloaked in gloriously lurid colours. Combining elements of slapstick with absurdism and pointed commentary on the precariousness of the contemporary world. It doesn’t matter which ‘Global Crisis’ the summit was making a joint statement on – it could be environmental or economic collapse, or diplomatic relationships failing. How exactly did the world end? Rumours posits it’s probably already over, so at least we should laugh while swallowing the cyanide pill of truth.
