Director: Joseph Kahn
Writer: Joseph Kahn, Dan Koontz, Samuel Laskey
Stars: Brandon Routh, Mena Suvari, Malina Pauli Weissman
Synopsis: Science teacher Hank’s life changes when he reconnects with his first love and suspects a new student is his daughter, all while facing an alien threat in their town.
There are more than a handful of successful film directors who got their start in the heyday of the music video. David Fincher, Spike Jonze, and Michel Gondry are a few of the most prolific who come to mind. Though these auteurs understood the art of the short form story that is a music video, they have evolved to tell feature-length stories. Joseph Kahn has been directing music videos steadily since the mid-’90s with some of the biggest names in the music business and his features have yet to show an evolution beyond his music video aesthetic. Ick is no exception.
For some reason, Ick is in a hurry to end. The opening sequence is a long drawn out montage that could have been the entire plot of another film. It moves so fast that you barely have time to cringe at the poor CGI in many places. It’s not always fair to criticize movies without studio tentpole budgets for their visual effects choices, but if your film relies on a monster and significant effects to tell its story, there have to be some other things in the budget to cut in order to get it right. Even the gore is rushed with mayhem too dark to see and dozens of characters never seen before and barely seen as they die.
It doesn’t help that the plot is razor thin. It’s so thin that Ick can’t come up with an actual reasoning for the Ick itself. What it does have is cribbed heavily from any version of The Blob or Invasion of the Body Snatchers, though, those films have a subtext that comes through, while Ick fails to have much of a text. Even the most intriguing part of the plot, Hank (Brandon Routh) might be Grace’s (Malina Pauli Williamson) biological father, is short changed. There is no resolution and barely time to get to know why Hank is even interested in having a relationship with Grace. The rush to the end is like this was made with those that have ruined their attention span with endless short influencer videos.
It also feels like the writers think Gen Z are a bunch of pompous windbags. Every teen is parroting something to the point that there’s a character, Dylan (Harrison Cone), who is the epitome of performative wokeness, it’s like the chants of a mob, but he’s off by a few beats so he’s louder than the rest. Every word from his smug mouth is frustrating and it takes far, far, far too long for Grace to actually put him in his place. The adults aren’t much better as most of them are conspiracy spouting, deep state obsessives. It makes one wonder who this film is for. One or two characters like these would be adequate to suggest a moderate centrist’s eye roll and smirk, but there are no characters that aren’t Hank that actually have normal human interactions.
Hank is the only reason the film has any watchability to it. Brandon Routh has an ability to be charming even when his character’s a bit of a moron. He’s got the hero’s build and strength of cause. He’s also in on the joke and can deliver a line with an extra bit of conviction that makes you pity this hapless science teacher he plays. Routh has a perfect bit as he sits, contemplating what he will do about the Ick. He turns on his crummy MP3 player from when he was a teenager and queues up “Hey There Delilah” by the Plain White Ts then says, “[expletive]. This song rips.” It’s just a perfect moment hearing him say that with a straight face and for that song.
As much as it is fun hearing a bunch of pop-punk songs from the early ’00s, it’s no basis to build a movie around. It’s a poorly executed, half-cocked approach to a not well thought out film. Even though it is mercifully short and Brandon Routh is exactly the right fit for this type of character, it’s not worth the time and effort to try and see it. It’s a better use of your time and nostalgia to see if The All-American Rejects or Good Charlotte are playing your local county or state fair or local resort and casino.
