Director: Samuel Bodin
Writer: Chris Thomas Devlin
Stars: Lizzy Caplan, Woody Norman, Antony Starr
Synopsis: Horror strikes when an eight-year-old boy named Peter tries to investigate the mysterious knocking noises that are coming from inside the walls of his house and a dark secret that his sinister parents kept hidden from him.
*This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the movie being covered here wouldn’t exist.*
You’d be fine not to know that, amidst the Barbenheimer craze, Lionsgate quietly dumped Cobweb in select theaters before a wide expansion on July 28. The release is so limited that the “select” theaters may only play the film once or twice per day, almost as if the studio doesn’t want you to see the movie. I wouldn’t think there’s a conspiracy, but it is strange how a movie starring top talent can’t muster up a wide release, especially with how great horror has performed in a post-COVID moviegoing era.
No, really. Just recently, the low-budget Insidious: The Red Door obliterated its box office prospects and became one of the most profitable studio releases of the year so far. While Cobweb’s budget is currently unknown, it could’ve attracted an audience that might’ve not wanted to partake in the Barbenheimer and wanted actual thrills in front of a screen. But even then, it’s understandable why Lionsgate released it with little to no fanfare (this decision was made before the SAG-AFTRA strike) because the film is barely watchable.
I’ll try not to spoil the movie for the two people who want to see it, but the reception has been rather divisive. The screenplay by 2022 Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s Chris Thomas Devlin was on the 2018 Black List and picked up by Lionsgate and Point Grey in 2020. It focuses on Peter (Woody Norman), a young boy who suddenly hears noises in his room. He, of course, gets scared, but his parents (Antony Starr and Lizzy Caplan) reassure him that everything’s fine.
That’s all I will say about the main plot because the rest unravels itself as if you should be going into the movie as cold as possible. Maybe it’s best that you don’t watch a piece of footage from the film and let it play out on its own, but Cobweb makes the cardinal mistake of having way too many red herrings to misdirect the audience consistently. You’re allowed one or two fake-outs. However, when the entire movie is based on one red herring after the other, you’ve completely lost the audience by the twenty-minute mark.
Cobweb starts as a supernatural thriller, then delves into a psychological drama, becomes a full-fledged horror movie, and turns into a supernatural thriller by the film’s end. It has no idea what it wants to be or what it wants to say: it keeps introducing seemingly important plot points (such as a young girl being brutally murdered in Peter’s neighborhood on Halloween night), only for them to be dropped precipitously as a new plot point gets introduced. At 88 minutes, the film can craft something compelling if it focuses on one specific plot point. Unfortunately, the director seems too desperate to impress and thinks constant misdirection is what makes a great horror film. It doesn’t, and by the time the movie ended in one of the most baffling ways, my patience was wearing thin.
So many characters make eye-rolling decisions that no human in this situation would ever do. Yes, watching any movie requires suspension of disbelief, and some will say I’m hypocritical for saying this because I gave Fast X an A- on this site. But Cobweb isn’t Fast X – Bodin presents the movie as a grounded supernatural thriller anchored by the performances of its three main characters. And yet, several decisions that Peter make are so ridiculous that none of the audience members I was with reacted with shock but instead, massive laughter.
And if it weren’t for the great performances of Lizzy Caplan and Antony Starr, who have tons of fun playing the creepiest parents you’ve seen in a minute, I would’ve checked out on Cobweb long ago. Starr, in particular, is terrifically effective as Peter’s father. One scene involving Peter’s substitute teacher, Miss Devine (Cleopatra Coleman), is particularly bone-chilling, as it could’ve shifted the entire movie differently. Though for fans of The Boys, it’s of no surprise that Starr can exude the most uncomfortable vibes, and he seems to push Homelander’s approach to the extreme here. It works wonders, but Caplan goes the extra mile during its final act. Again, not to spoil anything, but the squeamish won’t particularly enjoy a certain dinner scene…
Apart from that, Cobweb does little to impress. If you’ve done the Barbenheimer and are looking for something new, stay home and watch They Cloned Tyrone instead, another movie that smartly uses its red herrings to draw you into the movie instead of wanting it desperately to end.
